Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
