I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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