I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
