Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
