can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
