i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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