take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
