Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
