saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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