I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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