i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
