he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
