I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
