Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
