I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
