im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
