Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
