I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
