Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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