i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
