Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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