I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
