You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
