So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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