Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
