Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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