Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
