...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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