Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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