Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
