Sry I called you an 8
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
