Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
