So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
