he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
