Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
