This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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