I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
