oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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