If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
