Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
