so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
