ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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