i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
