She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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