I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
