Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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