why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize