Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
how can u be prego again
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
