Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
