the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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