Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
