Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am midnight drunk by noon
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
