SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
