guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
