i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
