You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
