Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
