honey bunches of taint.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You ruined the universe
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
