Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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