I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
