We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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