Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
