I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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