I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
