May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
