I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
