You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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