you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
