okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
