i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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