Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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