I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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