the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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