Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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