I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had to cum in my sink.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
