I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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