I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
