Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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