What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
