i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
