Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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