I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
