I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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