i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
